Happiest birthday to me

It'd been past 2 days but yea still i wish i was having a great birthday and year instead.

I'm turning 20 right now udah pasti banget harus makin dewasa.
Gilak!
Kepala 2

Well at least 19 taught me about those temporary people, i used to it.
19 taught me that life should be give and take not give and give or take and take.
19 taught me that sometimes we have to run so far to see who's chasing after us
19 taught me that we need to be patient as well to every problems tho every problems are w0rth the wait.
19 taught me to not being too nice to everyone cause sometimes people doesn't treat you the same.
19 taught me to not expecting too much on people cause you may feel disappointed a lot.
19 taught me to not loving someone too much cause too much love can turns you become a pathetic whore who always beg for attention, time, things, surprises, flower, chocolate, date, all these shitty love things.
19 taught me that hating someone could only stab us right on our mind, and that's insane. I've learned that we have to learn how to forgive each other.
19 taught me to not trust a n y b o d y, with no exception.

Di tahun ini gue cuman mau doa semoga Allah ngasih banyak kebahagiaan, mudahin semua urusan kampus gue, tetep ngasih banyak rezeki buat orang-orang yg gue sayang dan yg sayang sm gue, Allah sembuhin semua penyakit dan hal hal negatif yang ada di gue, cuman minta Allah permudah hubungan gue sm Jibon, capek juga boong mulu tiap hari. Allah tunjukkin orang-orang yang baik buat gue dan jauhin orang-orang jahat yang egois. Cuman mau itu aja

Sebenernya gue ngambil banyak banget pelajaran dari birthday kemaren. BANYAK BANGET.
dan mau berterima kasih banyak buat orang-orang yang mau meluangkan waktunya buat gue kemaren EVEN sedikit aja:') kalian masih membuat gue ngerasa ulang tahun, i appreciate it. Really. Makasih!!

gue emang harus lebih dewasa sekarang, harus.

No more mawkish adel.
No more old me
No more
No
N
O


Happy 20th birthday for me, dear myself.
You deserve to be happy, those fucking people who's trying to distract you happiness is such a manslut, screw 'em no one's gonna ruin your happines. No one

Is it, love?

Wise man once told me don't ever let someone you love most.. go, or it will hurt you eventually.

but what if its for his best?

or mine?

i know it sounds so selfish, but why would you hold something that hurts you so bad?

why would you hurt yourself?

why would you?

why?

what if both of you were never meant to each other?

i know i love him when his laugh's one of the most fave things in life 

i know i love him when i can't even let him go on a diet cause i dont want him to feel hungry

i know i love him when i've said "whatever" in every fights cause i don't want to make everything goes worse

i know i love him when hugging him can really comfort me

i know i love him when he lay his head over my thigh cause i know it would comfort him

i know i love him when i lose my temper when he doesn't text me in 3 hours
i know i love him when his good morning & good night greeting are the things i always wait each day
i know i love him when see him crying is burning my heart
i know i love him when losing him....makes me dying

but......

now i realised we really have to be this way

you may have to take your own time, enjoy your beautiful life while i will find my happiness.

oh and dear you,

if someday you see this posting, you have to know that i'm not going anywhere. I love you. I always did.
well, people changed. That's how a person could learn how cruel life can be.

"Sometime in the future maybe we can get together, maybe share a drink and talk awhile and reminisce about the days when we were still together. Maybe someday further down the line and i will meet you there. Sometime in the future we can share our stories when we won't care about all of our mistakes, our failures, and our glories. But until that day comes along i'll keep on moving on"

 Kamu terbaik, terakhir, tersayang.








with love,
Adel

Another vision

People say, that sometimes life's not always going as what you expect it to be.

sometimes it was going outta your plans, totally.
at least, that's what exactly happened to me these early days.

God's plan would always be better for you, or might be the for the people around you,
i believe it all happened for your own good, i hope there's a reason behind this thing.

Or maybe..

i have to let him go for a moment for my own good, or for own his good.
perhaps, i will meet you at the corner of coffee shop with your own business, asking about how's life going, talking about the past, about what we'd been through those past years, about the job, the family, anything. Maybe, we will meet again when we're better for each other.

that's the only reason why i keep struggling till this day.

I believe, it's one of many God's plans that have been sent to me.
I believe it's for my own good.
I believe everything's gonna be okay.
I believe that life's such a rollercoaster -- life's not always be at the top or down.
I believe my family would be back (all of them)
I believe he's the one.
I believe i can make it through.

for now, i just want to thank God for everything he gave me, for the past, the lessons, for this life esp., For everything, i'm nothing without You.

For you -- my special one, be though,

i know we can make it.

2 years,

and still counting,




--Adel

What a sweet pressure

People say, pain is all about love, love, romantic stuff, couple things, blind date, break up, move on.
For me,

It's not.

It's not about love, love, and love.

Sometimes, family can hurts you too,
sometimes, it's become a biggest pain in ass
sometimes, family causes a deep deep peer pressure
or even worse, a teenager suicide

The one who can't survive the rest pressure ended up die

Gratefully, i guess i can survive

These early days family become sucks,
okay -- i was thinking i have to look at myself
i used to think i'm the blaming one

guess it's not


mom become insane
step father does it even worse
bestfriend start disappear
the real father and his wife don't even care

family's sucks



can't wait to have my own life, at least with myself all alone.
with the job i've been dreaming
the partner of life
the lovely children
my own perfect crib


so there's nobody can ruin it
like it ruined my teenager life

oh, well and yes..

Life's a bitch





--Adel

Letter to romeo

Okay,

today is november 2nd...
i don't know where i should be happy or not
it supposed to be our... wait... 3rd years anniversary?

yeah,
it supposed to be

but now you're there with someone on your side

pernah ada yang nanya ke gue, gue nyesel gak sih pernah kenal dia?
jawabannya, nggak, gue gak nyesel pernah kenal dia
tapi..
gue nyesel membuang terlalu banyak waktu sama dia like about 2 years?!?!
gue nyesel membuang terlalu banyak waktu buat disakitin
gue nyesel membuang banyak waktu buat nangisin dia
gue nyesel terlalu berjuang untuk orang yang justru selama ini nyoba lepasin gue
gue nyesel terlalu belain dan banggain orang yang bahkan gak merasa beruntung punya gue
gue nyesel terlalu berharap sama orang yang bisa dengan teganya jatohin harapan gue
gue nyesel bergantung sama orang yang akhirnya malah bilang gue cuman pager buat dia
gue nyesel berlama lama sedih buat orang yang gabisa hargain gue
gue nyesel mau aja dijadiin pelarian
gue nyesel pernah jadiin dia segalanya in case dia cuman jadiin gue option dia
gue nyesel berjuang sendirian, terlalu lama.

tapi gue gak pernah nyesel kenal dia (as what so called 'friend') toh people came to your life either to be a present or a mistake.
he might be one of many mistakes which came into my life and mistakes make you learn that no matter how much they say they would always be there for you, they'll leave, you have to learn how to struggle alone. People are poison, time makes them turn into someone they said they'll never be, time's a bitch.

but i do believe in karma, anyway.
what goes around, comes back around.
apa yang lo tanem, itu yang lo tuai.
sejauh apapun lo ngelempar bumerang, dia akan balik
banyak kiasan lah untuk itu.

when you truly love someone that you would die for them, but suddenly they broke you
they leave you. Alone, you would never know how does it feels, even when there were still both of you, she fight for you, fight for your lovely family, fight for her friends who already told her to give up but she still into you, fight for everyone who's trying to knock you down. she way trying her best but you DID NOT even notice her, idk how to explain that more till you really understand, but someday you'll pay for your sins. mark my words

not today, but eventually

well, gak penting sih

if he gets one it means he have to learn more, if not it's okay too

i've learned to be a better person, i mean i will prove to everyone who once underestimated me that they're no better, they speak too much. Revenge is sweet, dear.

no shit honey, we're all human, we're all made of the same kind of bones and bloods.

i once told you to have a nice life and i'm having a nice life, anyway
at least, for now
hope you having one too
haha lagian you seems fine through life, right?

i will never be so hard on myself now,
learn to forgive, learn to let go

i mean i feel like i'm pushing myself everyday, i've been too hard to myself

and i won't be so hard on myself no more

and anywaaaaay your name didn't make me smile anymore
either make me sad too, your name didn't make me feel anything

i'm sooooo glad akhirnya bisa lepas,
gaperlu ngerasa marah, kesel, or even hate

it feels so good to move on, you know?

gak perlu harus nyari pengganti atau siapapun, i have tooons of friends
i prove that they actually there, mostly when he reminds me of those shitty memories
i prove that they were there to cheer me up
a big
big
big
big thanks for them
esp. my one and only bestfriend

well, my last 3 words goes to my lovely dolly molly ex-partner,

Nice to meet you, fuckboy.


life's so good without you







--Adel

Untitled

I would not show that i was afraid, but being and feeling alone was too much to face.

though everyone said that i was so strong what they didn't know is that i could barely carry on

but, i knew i would be fine

sometimes it all gets a little too much but i know that soon the fog will clear up.

i always tell myself "i could do this"

i would use no help it would be just fine

but, when it got hard sometimes i lose my focus..

and need anyone's hand or even arms just to make me sure everything's gonna be alright.

--

i could really blocked him on all those social media but i just couldn't really block him from my life.

i'm-so-sorry if it all seems a little too much

but, believe me

it's harder than you could imagine

i just couldn't be this strong anymore

it's like i was lying to people, i lie myself out

i might hate him so much now, but why this have to be harder?

he told me this is for the best, but guess it's all for his best not mine

he got his happiness, but neither do i

he got his special someone, but neither do i

he got his own perfection shape of life, but once again.. neither do i

i might hate him, even just to see his face i always throw my face up or down, though he wouldn't realize it.

i might hate him, but i always pray for his more happiness

hope he'll pray for mine

path

line

instagram

whatsapp

snapchat

out of those social media

i've already blocked him

so i don't have to see how happy he was without me

i don't have to see how happy he was with his new one

i have my own way to erase some people out of my life

guess we really ended up here,

goodbye won't be enough to tell how broke i am

but i believe it will be fine

sooooooooooooo long,

partner

--Adel

18

He's cute
adorable

those brown eyes remind me something comfortable
those good smells of his body could be my favorite smell alive
those thick eyebrow ooooomygod could be greatest shape of eyebrow ever

he's funny
he's different
he might be asshole, but that's fine
every boys are assholes anyway

apalagi kalo senyum asdfghjkl couldn't imagine how's empty this life could be
he's gentle
his very thin mustache soooo vamp
his perfect shape of lips, soo kissable

idk, he's just almost perfect